They didn't keep me

I had my psych evaluation yesterday, late afternoon. I passed with flying colors, and I didn't even keep quiet...lol He was most concerned that I take an antidepressant and have for several years and my doctor has never made me go to a psychiatrist. But he made me take some mood test (which was rediculass btw) and I of coarse passed that with flying colors. Maybe he just doens't have faith in depression meds. Maybe he thinks depression can be cured by spilling your guts to a stranger, maybe he doens't know that it's considered very hereditary, regardless of what he thinks, I am quite happy and well with my meds. Now the next step is the nutrition councelor, which is next wednesday. I think I have to meet with her 3 times. One more thing, I started my chantix (the stop smoking pill) last week, I am now on the third day of not smoking. Well....supposed to be not smoking. I have lit up 3 or 4 cigs in those 3 days (only in the car) that's my trigger. I didn't smoke the whole things. And yesterday I only took a few puffs. So wish me luck.

Some of you know that hubby is out of town working in SC. I am taking the week of June 15th off to go and see him and also spend some time with all my cousins in Myrtle Beach. I started tanning Wednesday night to prepair my white self for the beach. I have tried tanning before, with no color change, no tan, no nothing. So I was quite scheptical going in. But I found the mother of all tanning salons. It's called Hollywood Tan. I have went twice at 4 minutes in the HT60 booth and already notice a color change. I just found out last night that hubby who was supposed to only be there 4-5 weeks has to stay the duration of the job, which is more like 2-3 months.....needless to say, I am NOT happy about this. I am going to miss him way too much. He tried to make it not so bad (when I was crying about it) saying that it'll make us closer or some crap like that. I know that I can do it. Honestly I am worried about him. We are both recovering drinkers and last time he had to work out of town, he was drinking. He doesn't hold his alcohol very well, he doesn't know when to stop. He got wasted and didn't know where he was. The next day he was so disappointed in himself he left the job and basically quit. When he went in to talk to his boss, he told him that he's an alcoholic and working out of town was too tempting for him. They let him keep his job. This was over a year ago. The boss' had a meeting about whether or not to allow him to go, because of the last time. So I guess they are trusting him as much as I am. He says he's strong enough now. I just know that it's awefully tempting, and why put yourself in that situation. He's doing it because it's a lot more money and he was laid off for 5 weeks and I need to get my taxes paid. But still, they would get paid anyways. Okay sorry for going on and on about that.

I have a question for those of you who are parents.....how do you punish a child (11) for lying. It's habitual and about everything. My mom used to put a bar of soap in my mouth. Is that considered child abuse in today's society? Because that's what I want to do to her.......

So the journey begins......

I had my first appointment with the bariatric surgeon last Thursday. My insurance requires 7 visits or 6 full months of seeing him before they will approve the surgery. So it is tentatively set for Decemember 14th. Talk about a long time to wait. This will teach me some patience. I am a instant gratification kinda gal. I have to go through a series of things also before. Next week I meet with a psychiatrist for a psych evaluation (I better just stay quiet, or they might lock me up) then the following week I meet with a nutrition counselor. I believe I will have to meet with her 3 times. I attended a bariatric support group meeting last night. There were several pre and post op folks there. But all the post op's had the by-pass, I have questions for post op lap-banders. I do know 2 people personally that have been banded. I still have that concern about the port and what about after weight comes off....is it visible? Dr says "no" and one of my friends had it a year and half ago, she says no (but she states she still has some chunk there) Then there is the whole thing about hair loss....from lack of nutrients...I know what you're thinking. I must be an idiot for even considering this, but until you've walked in my shoes, judge not, that ye be not judged. I have been the "fat girl" my entire life. And it's to the point now, where I am self conscience about it again. I was when I was younger, but then I got really comfortable in my own skin. Now since my accident and I've gotten so big, I have gotten uneasy once again. I have tried diets.....I just gain it and then some back. So now I am at the turning point. I need to seek medical help for my obesity. I long for the day that I will be able to enjoy the outdoors like I once did, go hiking and canoeing and I might even ride on the back of that motorcycle. Hubby is supportive of the band, but not the complete by-pass, he says it is too evasive. He also reminds me that he did not marry a "skinny girl", but he understands that this is for my health and for me.

I thought about creating a brand new blog to follow my new journey, but since I don't have much to blog about, I think I'll just do it on here. In case anyone cares.....lol